then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
