I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize