dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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