Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
