i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
