She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
