you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
