my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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