mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
