summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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