So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
