am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
