all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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