I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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