I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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