My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
