Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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