I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
