im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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