careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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