guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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