We're like a lot better than the average bears
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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