and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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