I just cut my nipple shaving
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
