It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
