look no pants
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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