I will die if light touches me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
