I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
