mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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