break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
