and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
