Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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