Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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