As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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