I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
