We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
