you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
