Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
someone owes me an orgasm
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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