he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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