If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
