we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
