wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
