i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
