I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
