wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
