You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wish my penis had a tongue
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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