I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize