nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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