Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
