ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
