guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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