Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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