Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
