I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Drake has all the answers
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
