You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
