My room smells like vodka and shame
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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