Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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