just come out here and I will go home with you...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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