So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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