my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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