I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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