she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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