we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
