remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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