I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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