If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
