My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
