so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
