she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
