I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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