I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
