She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize