im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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