Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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