oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
