So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize