Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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