I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
