The maid of honor just puked.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
