Is it because I queefed?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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