This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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