So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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