you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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