You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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