shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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