If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
someone owes me an orgasm
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize