genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
