dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize