we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
