I'm jealous of your bromance
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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