Will you blow on my dice?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
