somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just come out here and I will go home with you...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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