Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
