I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
