I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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