My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
