The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
