Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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