Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
