she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
