i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
