wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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