my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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